After receiving so many comments and responses to my last post ‘Yes I Am Pregnant, No I Would Not Like Your Opinion’, I decided to dig deeper and ask fellow mumma’s the worst things they heard when pregnant. With a lot of help and input I’ve made a list of the top 100 comments not to make to, or even in the prescence of, an expecting mother. These comments range from well-intentioned but badly worded, to complete ignorance, to “somebody please restrain me before I punch said idiot in the face”, but sadly all of these are remarks pregnant women all over the world hear each and every day.
So without further ado, here are the top 100 things not to say to a pregnant woman!
- Are you really going to eat/drink that? Yes, yes I am. I am well aware of what I can and cannot have at the moment and if you mention my eating habits again I may eat you too.
- Aren’t you a bit young to be having a baby?
- Don’t you know what causes pregnancy by now?
- Do you not own a television?
- Do they all have the same father?
- But they’re so close together.
- But they’re so far apart.
- I bet you wish you’d had a boy/girl.
- Are you WADDLING!?
10. Seriously!? You have to pee again!? Honestly, if you want to go anywhere with a pregnant woman, expect to stop at every bathroom. We have a child cuddling our bladder. Shush up.
11. Are you actually going to wear that!? Yes, because right now the only style option I have is ‘whatever fits’.
12. Oh.My.Gosh. Did your stomach just move!?
13. Seriously? You’re crying? Again?
14.Your husband is getting fat you must be having a girl.
15.Do you really think you should be having this child?
16. Wow! You look like you’re ready to pop! Honestly, I do not care if the woman is 22 months pregnant, DO NOT MENTION THIS!
17. Your vagina is going to be ruined!
18. Omg! You’re going to be milked like a cow with that pump!
19. Haven’t you heard of contraception?
20. Your life is basically ruined now. You’ll never accomplish anything.
21. Maybe you should terminate.
22. You’re so big!
23. You’re so small!
24. Are you sure you’re only THAT far along!?
25. How many babies did you say you were having?
26. Are you hoping for a boy/girl this time? Why does everyone assume that every parent is disappointed by the first child’s gender?
27. You don’t look old enough to be having another child!
28. Are you still with the father?
29. Haven’t you had that baby yet?
30. You’re going to stop after this one if it’s a boy/girl. No actually, the size of my family is not determined on what gender my children are.
31. That baby is going to be huge!
32. Aw, another girl. If you have another girl after this one you’ll neck yourself! I’m sorry, WHAT!?
33. You should take up smoking, it will make the baby smaller.
34. You’re too small to be having such a big baby! Hello, I’d like to introduce you to my 6’5″ husband, and our families of giants.
35. Oh wow, you’re already showing.
36. Is this your last one?
37. You can’t even tell you’re pregnant!
38. Your baby better not be a ranga!
39. Are you having twins?
40. Now you won’t be able to do anything!
41. You’ll never get any sleep.
42. Why didn’t you travel first?
43. Just put it on cows milk when it comes out.
44. You’re putting on too much weight.
45. You’re pregnant not disabled.
46. Get over it.
47. Stop whinging! Some people can’t even have kids! And my heart breaks for these people, but some pregnant women are in severe pain for nine months non stop, others vomit twenty times a day for nine months. Let us whinge. It’s not an easy time.
48. I hope it’s a girl.
49. It better be a boy.
50. You better not have it on this date.
51. Sorry I can’t connect with your baby, I don’t like it’s father.
52. I wish you had of waited.
53. I can’t believe you had a baby before I turned 40!
54. Oh you’re so young! It must have been an accident! Trust me, age does not determine ability to use contraception.
55. How are you pregnant? You’re not married. Okay church, it’s awesome that you’re encouraging young people to wait for marriage but please teach your youth that sex causes babies not marriage and the two are not mutually exclusive.
56. So gross that you have a baby in your belly.
57. But you don’t even own a house yet!
58. You can’t have a baby, you don’t have your license.
59. Your body is so gross now.
60. Look at all your stretch marks! They’re called tiger stripes biatch, and I earned them fair and square!
61. Did you mean to get pregnant?
62. Your doctor is definitely wrong, it’s definitely a boy not a girl.
63. It’s amazing, only your butt has gotten bigger.
64. You have morning sickness? But it’s afternoon. *facepalm*
65. You can’t possibly be THAT sick!
66. Why are you conplaining? Pregnancy is beautiful.
67. You’ve got a cold? Have some scotch! One shot will be fine!
68. Why aren’t you working out? I lifted weights til my due date!
69. You can’t use that name, I want to use it if I ever have kids.
70. Sleep while you can. Last I checked, you can’t stockpile sleep. This is stupid advice. Plus pregnancy doesn’t make sleep all that easy.
71. You can’t complain, you asked for this.
72. Are you seriously going back for thirds!?
73. Are you keeping it?
74. Stop being so melodramatic! You’re pregnant not dying! I was told this one for turning a fan on when it was 46degrees Celsius and I was 7 months pregnant..
75. Oh you’re 7 months pregnant and homeless? Well I could only just pay rent last week so stop complaining.
76. Don’t forget to get the ‘mum stitch’.
77. Oh, well when I was pregnant..
78. I can’t believe you’re wearing heels! To the beautiful lady I said this to a few months ago, I am so sorry. I opened my mouth and my mother came out! Eek!)
79 You can’t get an epidural! I birthed a ten pound baby with no drugs at all!
80. Can you see your feet?
81. Are you worried you’ll a have another bad experience? Yes, actually, I am terrified of another NICU stay, thanks for reminding me.
82. None of my clothes fit anymore either, I know how you feel! Trust me, you don’t.
83. Who are you going to have in the birthing room with you? None of your business!
84. What it your baby has…insert long list of medical problems? Then we’ll continue to love him/her and help anyway we can?
85. You look tired.
86. You’re so moody.
87. Pregnancy mood swings! It was just a joke! You’re so emotional! Nope, you’re just an arse.
88. You’re in pain? Just have some panadol.
89. Are you SURE it’s not twins?
90. How much weight have you gained?
91. Can we start calling you ‘fatty’ yet?
92. You just keep getting bigger! Thank you Captain Obvious.
93. I can’t believe you’re already showing! I didn’t show until six months with mine! Well woopity doo good for you!
94. Haven’t you had that baby yet?
95. Another one? You’ll sure have your hands full! Yes, but think how full my heart is!
96. You have cankles.
97. Did you know elephants are pregnant for 22 months?
98. Good luck, I had a terrible experience with my labour.
99. Are you going to use disposable nappies? You know they ruin the environment.
100. YOU’RE GOING TO BOTTLE FEED? Your baby won’t be very smart.